Yesterday night, I was thinking of what to write on today’s topic. As I sat down thinking of how to start, I decided to watch a movie I have been willing to watch bit couldn’t find. “Road to Yesterday” am sure you know it. Acted by Genevieve Nnaji and Oris Erhuero and yes I know it’s an old movie but am just watching it.
What is a secret? Something that is kept or meant to be kept unknown or unseen by others. Do you feel the female lead character intentionally kept her one night stand as a secret or she felt it wasn’t necessary to tell Her boyfriend as at then because it meant nothing? Was it just an unspoken word or an untold truth? Do we feel is necessary to tell our partners every single thing? For me, I do feel is necessary to share and tell everything. Although, my question is how much is everything?
I liked the spoken words towards the end of the movie. It started with an important question. WHY DO WE LOVE? Is it our way of finding our place in this world? Or finding someone who completes us? Is it our search for a deeper connection? Or are we just afraid of being alone? Does life still have meaning without love or trust? What do you do when love is lost? Do you give up or do you try to find love where it is lost before it’s too late. WHY EXACTLY DO WE LOVE?
If we love our partners the way we say we do, talking or expressing our mind is inevitable. Some men or partners not to generalise, when they hear “We need to talk”, instead of seeing it as an opportunity to improve their union, some hear it as a criticism.
According to an article written by Tanith Carey for the daily mail, A new study by researchers at the University of Missouri has found that most men rather than being too inhibited to share their feelings think that endlessly talking about problems is weird, unattractive and plan unhelpful.
A U.S best selling relationship book author Dr Patricia Love says Research has found that even the way males and females respond physically to emotional stress is different. ‘Talking about feelings is sotting to women. But it makes men physically uncomfortable. Their bodies flood with the stress hormone cortisol. There’s more blood flow to muscles. They get edgy, so that women think they’re not listening’.
Dr Love recommends giving your partner a full body hug six times a day and for at least six seconds each time which is how long it takes for the calming, feel good hormone serotonin to kick in. “It may sound a lot, but the six – times – six formula brings a new level of closeness, Dr Love says.
‘The hugs may start out feeling forced, but they soon become genuine ‘. According to him, sex also makes couples more willing to forgive without words.” Oxytocin, the hormone that triggers orgasim, is like a miracle drug that makes you move closer.
I really don’t know about the last statement about sex willing to forgive without words. I feel the words still needs to be spoken so that the sex can help in the healing. I might be wrong but I would like to hear what you think.
Instead of saying “we need to talk ” if you know it scares your partner from having a serious conversation, why not go straight to the point? We need to respect one another’s insecurities as partners. There by creating the best way to communicate without making it look scary.
The most important thing not to forget is, no matter the way you decide to communicate with your partner, do it font let it get to the extent you would always regret for the rest of your life.