Happy new month to all of you reading this post now. This is my first official post for the month of August. I have been thinking of the rate of divorce in our country NIGERIA of recent.
The rate of divorce in our society has risen unlike the Nigeria we use to know. Previously, no matter what happens in a relationship (marriage), women and men consider divorce as the last option.
Nowadays, you see two people fall in love and they both decide to get married with the promise of spending forever together . The funny thing is, for most in less than 3 months into the marriage, we begin to hear the rumours….
what is divorce and what are the causes of divorce?
DIVORCE: the legal dissolution of marriage by a court or other competent body. It is a judicial declaration dissolving a marriage in whole or in part, especially one that releases the marriage partners from all matrimonial.
Marriage isn’t always easy and sweet as i have heard and seen. The sad truth is that not all “I DO” always end with a happily ever after no matter how the two individuals feel they love each other.
So i did my usual research online and asked some question from both married and divorced couples for common reasons for divorce in our society in hopes that when i share it, we can all learn from the mistakes made by others.
- INFIDELITY : extra -marital affairs are responsible for the ending of most marriages. The reasons why people cheat are not too clear. Aside from the difference in sexual appetite, lack of emotional intimacy and the “Biological nature of most men to cheat”.
- MONEY: money really touches everything. “It impacts people’s lives” said Emmet Burns, brand marketing director for SUNTRUST.
- LACK OF COMMUNICATION: communication is crucial in marriage and the most important. Not being able to communicate effectively quickly leads to resentment and frustration for both. Yelling at your spouse, not talking enough throughout the day, making nasty comments to express yourself are all unhealthy methods of communication that needs to be ditched in a marriage.
- WEIGHT GAIN: I know this is not an easy one to talk about, but let’s be sincere. In some cases a significant amount of weight gain causes the other spouse to become less physically attracted while for others, weight gain takes a toll on their self-esteem, which trickles into issues with intimacy.
- UNREALISTIC EXPECTATION: A lot of people go into marriage with different expectation, expecting your spouse and the marriage to live up to your image of what they should be. These expectation can put a lot of strain on the other person, leaving you feeling let down and setting your spouse up for failure.
- LACK OF INTIMACY : Not feeling connected to your partner can quickly ruin a marriage because it leaves a couple feeling as though they’re living with a stranger or more like roommates than spouses. Constant cold shoulders or ”punishment” by starving him sexually till you get what you want is actually bad. i know most times it helps but don’t make it a habit. Practice little acts of kindness, appreciation and enjoy physical intimacy and much as possible to sweeten your relationship.
- LACK OF EQUALITY: when one partner feels that they take on more responsibility in the marriage, it can alter their view of the other person and lead to resentment.
- NOT BEING PREPARED FOR MARRIAGE: Most times due to pressure from family and society depending on the scenario, most people get married without even knowing what they are getting into. This in turn results to a negative attitude to the marriage due to lack of preparation.
- PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE : physical abuse can be in both ways to the man or o the woman. This has been one of the reason of abuse lately. This is a very good ground for divorce because instead of dying as a result of the abuse, it’s better to let go of the marriage. Emotional abuse is one this most people don’t notice. Psychological abuse (also referred to as psychological violence, emotional abuse, or mental abuse) is a form of abuse, characterized by a person subjecting, or exposing, another person to behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder.
- DISTANCE: although not a good enough reason for some people, distance pose as a threat to marriage because not everyone can manage. Some couples stay apart for a period of time. for some, it could be for some months, a year, two years or even more. Most people don’t see this point as a reason for divorce because they can stay faithful, they trust their partners and in most cases they are opportuned to visit each other as often as possible. For me, i think if you can avoid the distance, then you have to do everything to see you always have your partner around. for those that can’t help but encounter this distance, you and your partner has to talk about it, be ok with it and create means where by it lessens the burden of the distance. ”Totally avoiding people who keep you out late at night or places and people who will easily influence you into cheating” as said by my Colleague MR T who works in Abuja while his wife and daughter stays in Ondo state. So how do you manage? i asked further. ” Well, i make sure i talk to them if possible more than 3 times a day. we talk , chat and video chat always… I try my best to always visit whenever i get the smallest opportunity” he said. About cheating, how do you avoid it? I asked . ” i know most people won’t believe but like i told you earlier i avoid going out late and the truth is i don’t find any other woman attractive. I love my wife and only doing right by her is all i wish for. The truth is once the foundation(family) is faulty, then negative thoughts and ideas starts coming in” he said.
- MARRIAGE DONE BY FORCE OR FOR BUSINESS OR POLITICAL ALLIANCE : I think this is self explanatory and we all know it happens everywhere and everyday . A school mate of mine from the Northern part of Nigeria broke up with her boyfriend one day and was crying. when i asked why she was crying despite the fact that she was the one that broke up the relationship. she said ”Precious, i love him and i don’t want to keep leading him on knowing that my father already told me i am expected to marry his friend’s son”. Most parent actually choose who their son’s or daughter’s get married to just for their own selfish reasons. In few cases it works but in most cases, it doesn’t work.
The truth is we keep learning everyday both married and unmarried we all need to know the reason why we are getting married to our partners and see if these reasons are the best for us. This will enable us avoid issues that would lead to divorce. In one of my next post, i would write on the legality of divorce according to Nigerian law. Meanwhile, i would like to hear from you concerning your opinion on divorce and how you feel about it.
Thanks to all of you for constantly finding out time to read and comment on my post. Please lets not forget to follow and like my blog ,keeping it in mind that we are all expected to touch the lives of others by sharing this post…