I remember those thoughts
Those thoughts I usually had
When I felt rejected and unwanted
That I was never good enough
That I was no one
I remember those sorry thoughts
Those sorrowful thoughts
Thoughts that lingered
Thoughts that made my heart heavy
Thoughts that broke me
Thoughts that left unanswered questions
Thoughts that could’ve destroyed me
Thoughts that molded me
Today I remembered a lot that happened to me when my parents took me to a new secondary school. For awhile, it took me time to settle in and be ok with who I was. On a normal day, I like to make friends to the extent that my mum usually mocks me as someone with lots of friends.
In this new school, I could barely be myself maybe because most of my mates had a different view about me. My worst mistake was, I allowed whatever they had to say get to me and it got me depressed and always sad.
I remember always writing sorrowful poems for more than a year. One day my late principle (May her soul rest in peace), called me and spoke to me concerning my writing. She found it (poem book) and read it. She was worried I might do something to hurt myself. All thanks to her, I was able to get up and see the good in me without minding anyone. I started finding happiness and realizing new things about myself. I went back to being bold and contributing the little I knew to those around me. At that point in my life, I told no one what I was going through not even my parents. I started regretting why I had to attend that school. But not now! No not now! Well now, am happy I went to that school, am happy I met those sets of ladies, and am happy it changed me. I am happy I made an impact while I was there and will continue to do as long as I have God. Truth be told, at a point in school then, I was to everyone what they were to me. I made no big deal about anything. I just had respect for everyone and loved everyone as much as I could. I know I wasn’t perfect. I sure wasn’t but I don’t think I deserved been treated badly. No one deserves it. According to my late principal, we had no choice but become friends. We did try our best. Whether we were close or not, whether we remain friends or not it doesn’t matter. It’s really not about being best friends but certainly not enemies. At least I try to reach out once in awhile.
Well, I forgive all those who treated me badly, those who saw everything I did as bad, those who saw me as being an oversabi and all those who tried to belittle me. This is me finally letting go as I spoke few days ago in my post.
For everyone out there, who might have treated anyone out there badly one way or the other, try to go back and apologize. That the person never told you or you feel you guys might have outgrown it, it’s really not true because these people live with this experience for the rest of their lives. It could either make or break them.
Someone would ask, why is she writing about this? Well am writing this because someone somewhere is been bullied. In your place of work, in school, among your peer groups, even among your fellow church members.
Parents, please try as much as possible to discuss with your children at the end of the day if he/she is a day student , or at during visiting day or mid-term break to know how they blend with everyone at school. It shouldn’t necessarily be about academics always.
It’s wrong to try to fit in. Don’t get me wrong. Fit in but be who you are. You don’t need to change in other to impress anyone. Let them know how exceptional and great you are. ….
Today’s writing was inspired by a young girl who told me about what she was going through in school and also what I went through back then in senior secondary school…
IT’S ALL ABOUT YOU…..NEVER FORGET THAT