Inspirational · Parents · Relationship

SO AM MARRIED WHAT NEXT? 

It’s yet another Saturday…. A day a lot of people are getting married. For some, this is the happiest day of their lives and can’t wait to begin the new chapter of their lives. While for some, this is the beginning of losing themselves. 

Marriage is supposed be a beautiful thing. The next phase of life most women pray day and night for. “After marriage what next”. My boss and I were talking and she said something “the way Nigerian women as an achievement, it scares her”. According to her, she got married at the age of 19 and she asked her self this question “what next?”. In the name of getting married, a lot of women lose their identity. You forget the woman you were. The women who had dreams and aspirations. Don’t get me wrong, I know marriage is all about sacrifice and indulgence. But that doesn’t mean you become another person entirely. 

“A lot of women lose track of what they believe in, what they stand for, what’s important to them and what makes them happy just because they happen to be in a relationship/marriage”. 

A lot of women you see who had successful careers, suddenly quit and become stay home wife/mother,and when you ask them their reason “my husband asked me to. He says he wants me to focus on the family”. I really find it funny. Well most men give their wives the option of going into business while others don’t. Forgetting that your only increasing the burden on yourself as well as making your wife “useless”. 

WHAT EXACTLY DOES IT MEAN TO LOSE YOURSELF? 

“Losing yourself also means losing some very important things like perspective and feelings of self-worth—all of which you need to have intact to see anything clearly. So, no, you probably won’t see it if you’re losingyourself in a relationship”. 

A lot of people think that the process of losing oneself in a relationship is very obvious—that it always involves things like dressing exactly like the partner, assuming all of his friends, giving up their careers to be a kept woman and disappearing from social media. Most women think, “If I were losing myself in a relationship, I’d know it.” But, by the very nature of losing one’s self, you won’t see it coming when it happens. Losing yourself also means losing some very important things like perspective and feelings of self-worth—all of which you need to have intact to see anything clearly. So, no, you probably won’t see it if you’re losing yourself in a relationship. You just have to know the signs ahead of time—write them down somewhere—so if it ever happens you can take a long hard look in the mirror and say, “It’s happening…” Here are signs you lose yourself in relationships.

You suck at texting your friends back

You’ve started getting a lot of, “Hello?” texts, “Are you alive?” messages and “Alright, guess you don’t want to answer me…” follow-ups. You’re so lost in the relationship you can’t take two seconds to respond to your friends. 

A small argument can ruin your week

Fighting with your partner sucks, but it shouldn’t ruin your week. It should destroy your ability to enjoy the things you used to enjoy, like yoga, happy hour, walks on the beach, etc. You’re too consumed with the relationship if that’s happening.

You think a lot before you speak

You find yourself doing a lot of thinking before you speak. You want every sentence to come out perfectly…That’s probably because you’re afraid of losing your partner because you’ve lost yourself, so you never want to accidentally upset him.

Your goals have come to a halt

You’ve stopped attending that night class, going to those networking events, sending out query letters, attending work happy hours and such. You now spend all the free time you used to spend on forwarding your career with your partner.

You only feel present when he’s there

If you’re not with your partner, you cannot focus on the people around you or the thing you are doing. Moments without him just seem like wasted moments. That could be love…but it could also mean that you don’t know how to be happy without your partner anymore.

You can’t remember the last time you did what you wanted to do

Let’s see: last weekend you hiked to that monument he wanted to see and saw the movie he wanted to watch. The weekend before that you visited his old college friend in another town. The weekend before that the two of you worked on his work presentation…

The thought of being alone terrifies you

If the thought of being alone terrifies you, then you’ve definitely lost yourself in the relationship. It’s normal to feel very sad at the concept of losing someone you love, but it’s not normal to feel like you wouldn’t know how to function.

You feel a burst of anger and resentment

When you lose yourself in a relationship, you end up making too many compromises. You don’t speak up much, you don’t say what you want or need, and you mostly just lay down to the will of the other person. This will lead you to feel strong and bizarre bursts of anger and resentment.

It would be nice if we check this amazing book out.. Am so sure it’s going to be very helpful . Psychoanalyst Beverly Engel, author of “Loving Him Without Losing Yourself,” (Currently on Amazon or any other online bookstore). 

The more we give up of ourselves, the less we are the woman our sweetie was attracted to in the first place, says Sherry Argov in “Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl — A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship.” “The nice girl thinks she’s giving up something to get something better in return. She gives up control over her own life. When the time comes for her to get what she expected, she winds up disappointed. In addition to being empty-handed, she’s depleted.”

I know it takes more to be a wife/husband and a parent in a relationship but it’s best you find out what your partner expects of you after your marriage to know if it works for you. Like they say, love is not the only criteria for marriage. The more you lose yourself, they more you become frustrated and gradually start falling put of love with your partner… 

It’s never late. It’s time you find our those things you have always wanted to achieve and start doing it…. Giving up on your dreams, it’s not a sign of love..It can only make you a bitter person. Don’t think that only women tend to lose them selves in marriage, most men do to. So this post is for everyone. 


It’s always about you…….. Never forget that. 


REFERENCES:

http://madamenoire.com

https://m.huffpost.com

Please don’t forget to like, share and follow the blog….. Keep reading. 

Inspirational · Relationship

HOW TO MAINTAIN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP 

Today’s post is on long distance relationship and how best to maintain them.. A lot of us prefer being in a relationship were we don’t find it difficult to see each other and distance isn’t really an issues.

I know sometimes, we have this believe that long distance relationships are never going to work. Most of our friends and family discourage us from it. I know it’s not an easy one. No body says it’s ever going to be easy. There are going to be times when things will get complicated, you could get sad and lonely at times. 

The same way we see more of the disadvantages of long distance relationship, I would gladly tell us that there are more advantages to being in a long distance relationship. This type of relationship makes the simplest things the sweetest… Simple things like eating together at the same table, taking a walk together and feeling each other’s touch… 
I don’t know if it’s just me, but I noticed that most of us (especially our parents) take a lot of things in our (their)  relationship for granted… Couples don’t do the simplest things like eat together at the same time, send simple messages to each other. In fact simple little exciting things.. Am not just talking about young couples, or your boyfriend/girlfriend, fiance /fiancee, am also talking about married couples… I constantly say this that “marriage can be exciting”…. Yes go ahead and say what does she know? She’s not married. Yes! I might not know a lot but I have seen and read about married people who do these things I  picture and teach.. I feel it’s long distance like this, that makes you grateful for your partner when ever you finally have to be with them. You become supper excited and anxious… It’s like you just fell in love for the first time. Permit me to say, but most times I feel distance sometimes makes the relationship stronger. 

It’s really not going to be easy. Especially if the distance is somewhere you really need to plan well before embarking on just to see your partner.. We are constantly boreded about our partners fidelity, about the love dying, about the different temptation that we have to go through just to be loyal… For most people, time difference is also a bigger challenge for them. 

 Below are a list of different things to do to keep your long distance relationship going  and exciting (how best to maintain a long distance relationship). 

  • Try to communicate regularly and creativelyGreet each other “good morning” and “good night” every day — this is a must. On top of that, try to update your partner on your life and its happening, however mundane some of the things may seem. To up the game, send each other pictures, audio clips and short videos from time to time. By putting in this kind of effort, you make the other person feel loved and attended to.
  • Talk dirty with each other. Sexual tension is undoubtedly one of the most important things between couples. Sexual desire is like a glue that keeps both parties from drifting apart. Not only is sex a biological need, it is an emotional one as well. Keep the flames burning by sending each other teasing texts filled with sexual innuendos and provocative descriptions. Sexy puns work pretty well too. 
  • Avoid “dangerous” situations. Also, It could be easy for you to fall into the trap which you, unconsciously or not, set up for yourself by “hanging out” with your office eye-candy after work, or going out with a girl or guy from your past who has been flirting with you. You need to recognize the dangers before entering into the situation. Don’t just listen to your heart. Listen to your mind too.
  • Do similar things. Recommend books, TV shows, movies, music, news and etc. to each other. When you read, watch and listen to the same things, you get to have more topics in common to talk about. This is a good to create some shared experiences even though you are living apart.
  • Make visits to each otherVisits are the highlight of every long distance relationship. After all the waiting and yearning and abstinence, you finally get to meet each other to fulfill all the little things like kissing, holding hands, etc. which are all common to other couples but so very special and extra intimate for people in long distance relationships. It will be like fireworks, glitter bombs, confetti, rainbows and butterflies everywhere. 
  • Stay honest with each otherTalk about your feelings of fear, insecurity, jealousy, apathy, whatsoever. If you try to hide anything from your partner, that secret will sooner or later swallow you up from inside out. Don’t try to deal with things all by yourself. Be open and honest with each other. Let your partner help you and give you the support you need. it’s better to look at the problem during its initial stage than to only disclose it when it’s all too late.
  • Video-call whenever possible. Because looking into each other eyes and hearing each others voices can make everything feel alright again.
  • Stay positive. You need to be constantly injecting positive energy into the long distance relationship to keep it alive. Yes, the waiting can be painful and you can sometimes feel lonesome but you need to remind yourself that the fruits at the end will be sweet as heaven. One good trick to staying positive is to be grateful all the time. Be thankful that you have someone to love — someone who also loves you back. Be thankful for the little things, like the hand-made letter that arrived safely in your mailbox the other day. Be thankful for each others health and safety.
  • Know each others schedules. It’s helpful to know when the other person is busy and when he/she is free, so that you can drop a text or make a call at the right time. You wouldn’t want to disturb your partner when he/she is in the middle of class or halfway through a business meeting. Know the small and big events that are taking place or will take place in each others life e.g. college mid-terms and exams, important business trips and meetings, job interviews and etc. This is especially essential when the both of you are living in different time zones.
  • Have a goal in mind. “What do we want to achieve at the end of the day?” “How long are we going to be apart?” “What about the future?” These are the questions you two need to ask yourselves. The truth is, no couple can be in a long distance relationship for forever. Eventually we all need to settle down.
  • So make a plan with each otherDo up a timeline, marking down the estimated times apart and times together, and draw an end goal. It is important that you two are on the same page and have the same goals. So that even if you are not living in the same space and the same timezone, both of you are still working together in the same direction towards a future that includes one another.
  • Never use the silent treatment. Your relationship must be built on trust and communication. This silent treatment is damaging to any relationship, but it’s deadly for a long distance one. If you are upset, tell your partner you need time to think and talk about the problem.

  • Talk about serious things. Conversations about money, jobs, education and the future need to be discussed. For the relationship to be successful, you both need to be on the same page considering these subjects.

  • Surprise each other. Every healthy relationship needs spontaneous acts of love. Send surprise gifts, or plan a surprise visit.

  • Never use silent treatment : A lot of us men and women are quity of this… We think silence is always golden. Well it’s really not. Most of us use this method as a way of punishment. “am not going to talk to him/her until he/she apologies”… Well don’t forget that the less you talk, the more you drift apart and that way, gives opportunity to distractions.. 

In actual sense, it’s important you note that having a long distance relationship isn’t something you expect your partner to automatically be OK with especially if you both didn’t get into the relationship on that ground. Therefore, I advice that you call your partner, explain everything in detail and make sure he/she understands and that you both are on the same page.  

“If you want to live together, you first need to learn how to live apart ” Anonymous. 

What’s your opinion on being in a long distance relationship? Is it something you are currently in, or is it something you don’t think you can handle and why? If you are currently in this relationship, let’s hear how it’s been working out for you and your advice for others who might be thinking of embarking on it…..


It’s always about you…… Never forget that. 


If this post  inspired or meant something to you, please don’t forget to like and  share the post…  Kindly click on follow if you are not currently following the blog…… 



References :
Www.life hack.org

Www.Familyshare. Com

Inspirational · Uncategorized

MOTIVATIONAL WORDS TO KEEP YOU GOING… 

Good morning dearly beloved… It’s another beautiful Monday. The first working day of the week. Hope we all had an amazing and relaxing weekend.. For me I did. I got a mini birthday outing to SALAMANDER CAFE in Wuse 2 Abuja. Well, will tell you more about it later.

Today, I would like to share some inspirational words from Iyanla Vanzant. I watched a video of the interview she granted on OWN (OPRAH WINFREY NETWORK) and I decided to write down her words and share them with everyone… I hope you read and get inspired and motivated like I did because that’s the whole point.

Oprah: IS it selfish to put yourself first? 

Iyanla: it’s not selfish to put yourself first. It’s self full. It’s self full to ve the first, to be as good as possible to you. To take care of you, to keep you whole and healthy. That doesn’t mean you disregard everything and everyone. But you want to come with your cup full. “My cup runneth over” what comes out of the cup is yours, what’s in the cup is mine. But I’ve got to keep my cup full. 

Oprah : There’s no person in the world that you can find that don’t say “I just find it difficult to trust people” but you say that’s not the issue..

Iyanla : Learning to trust yourself is the real issue not learning to trust others.. Trusting yourself that you’re going to make the right choice. Trusting yourself that you can hear that voice and follow it. Trusting yourself that when people betray, abandon and insult you, that you would be OK. 

OPRAH : What about boundaries?

Iyanla : People violate you because you don’t have a clear boundaries, because you didn’t tell them how to behave in your life and they run amok.

Oprah : A lot of people hold back secrets about themselves from their family….

Iyanla : Guilt and shame. You have to love and respect people enough to tell them the truth. 

To end her inspirational words, she encourages everyone not to let your present situation pull you down. She gave an instance of someone saying  “Am a just a single parent and I can’t do it”. According to Iyanla, we should learn to STATE THE FACTS AND SPEAK THE TRUTH. This might be your reality but this story isn’t helping.. It’s OK to say “am raising a child without the benefit of a partner.  You need to acknowledge the fact that when you have God, you have it all. 

This new week, I would like us to keep 4 important things in mind.

 1)I want us to learn how to take charge of our lives. Try to be self full in everything you do from this week onwards. 

2)We should learn to trust in ourselves because that’s the only way we can move further… Self doubt is the beginning of your doom. It’s OK to think well and question your next step but remember you have a God whose ever ready to listen, guide and direct your every step…  

3) Let’s not forget we are in charge of whoever we let into our life.. The fact that they are in our life and remain there is our choice and don’t have the right to run amok…. It’s time we learn how to have a clear boundaries… 

4) No matter how difficult it’s going to be, let’s start this week to tell the truth… Say the truth to everyone you meet because you love and respect them. Let them be the judge of how they accept it. Don’t hide under the shadow of “not wanting to hurt them”. It’s going to be a gradual process getting use to. But get ready to keep it as part of your life. 


Am happy to have seen this post and like I said that’s the reason why I decided to share it with everyone.


It’s all about you……… Never forget that. 

If this post and others that you have been reading inspires you or has touched you in anyway, kindly like, share and follow the blog… 


Uncategorized

WHEN IS THE RIGHT AGE TO MOVE OUT OF YOUR PARENTS HOUSE.

It’s a beautiful Friday in Abuja despite the hot sun…. I don’t understand this weather. I was thinking this period, we would’ve had a better weather.

Thank God it’s friday…..What’s happening where you are today? How are you enjoying your city?  Today i have an interesting topic to discuss with everyone.

I have been thinking about this topic for a while and wanted to ask what’s the right age to move out of parents house or if there is any particular age you must move out?

I can’t wait to hear what most of us have to say about today’s topic. Few months ago, my kid sister and i jokingly told our mum we would like to move out. And like a typical Nigerian woman, she said “to where?” Out we responded. “Ok na, be going. Do you want me to help you pack? “. Every Nigerian knows the meaning of that answer.

Few weeks later, my sister brought up this same topic with my mum and we finally understood her reason. According to her, why would we want to move out of the house to a place where we would be paying rent while our parents stay in the same city with us. “If you are working in a different city where you have no choice but to find a house, then that’s a different situation” She said. Ideally, you are expected to move from your parents house to your husband house.

Why are we different? I mean we Nigerians, we think and see things in a different way most times. Not that its a bad thing but when you take a look at the westerners, they tend to move out of the house at a very tender age. For some, at the age of 18, 19, 20. In fact, by 21 if you still leave with your parents, it becomes a big deal (i stand to be corrected). Most parents feel that you have gotten to the when you need to be independent of your parents. No matter how difficult it might seem for them, it can’t be compared to we in Nigeria. They can easily get jobs, some usually run two different jobs, some leave on mortgage. Here in Nigeria, graduates find it difficult to get a job let alone an undergraduate.. But as i fondly say, it’s well.

My colleagues and i are where talking about when exactly is the right time to move out of our parents house. It was one of my colleague who was talking about moving out of her sister’s house that prompted our conversation. She actually moved in with her sister who moved out of their parents house as soon as she was done with her university. She in turn moved in with her sister when she entered the university and now she’s done, she feels its time for her to move out too.

“But your parents both stay in Abuja and your sister also stays in Abuja, so why would you still want to waste funds and live on your own….Its not necessary” I said

Elizabeth who is also my my colleague and a yourba girl concurred with my mum. Her reason wasn’t just about the finance that would be seen as a waste of finance but that in a typical yourba family, a woman is expected to stay with her parents until she’s getting married. Meaning you living out side your parents house is assumed you are getting married. She went further to explain that when you tell most Nigerian women that you want to move out of their house because you feel you are older and maybe you think you are financially independent a little, they would think you are looking for an avenue to be free to do what ever you like and stay out late. This reason might be the reason for some people while it might not be for some.

Well as for me, i would like to have my own space. Space not necessary because any one is troubling me at home ( family house), but because i just feel am older and too old to still be living with my parents. Living with your parents has its on pros and cons. But on the second hand, st aying with my parents saves me a lot of cost. I am free of paying house rents, electric bills, buying food stuff. Any thing i decide to buy for the house, is because i choose to. By staying with them, i can save up the little i feel i have and put it into something profitable.

A friend of mine of Facebook and i were taking on and he asked me “Do you live with your parents?” when i said yes, he was shocked. At your age he asked? Is anything wrong with that? I asked. I couldn’t tell if i should be  angry or not. I gave him the benefit of doubt that he wasn’t insulting me. He gave me his reason why he was surprised to hear i was living with my parents at my age.  “I started leaving on my own at a very young age and it’s been me all the way”. In a way though, am envious of you for staying with your family” He said.

Moving out of your parents’ house is a major decision. It is essential that you consider the impact of moving out. Your budget, career, and maturity level will all affect your first adventure into the real world where you will have many responsibilities.

The following are the differnt ways to know if you are ready to move out of your parents home.

  • Know if your financially stable –  Add up all the income you receive in one month after taxes (most paychecks will have taxes already deducted from them). If your income fluctuates slightly, figure out a monthly average by looking at the past six months of your pay. If your income fluctuates wildly every month, moving out might not be the best option.
  • Make yourself a budget for rent by calculating 28% of your monthly income. Multiply your monthly income by .28 to find the largest sum of rent you can afford.Keep this number handy, and use it to find affordable housing.
  • Calculate your fixed expenses. These expenses include: rent, monthly loans, car insurance and car loans, credit card(s), health insurance (if it isn’t deducted from your salary), phone, internet, utilities, cable, and any other sort of debt. You will also want to figure out how much you spend per month on food, entertainment, clothes, gas, and miscellaneous shopping.

So you tell me, have you ever thought of moving out? What were your reasons? when exactly is the right age to move out of your parents home? How do you feel about living with your parents till you get married as a woman? For men, when exactly do you plan on leaving home if you haven’t and if you have, at what age did you leave?

 

                It’s all about you………………Never forget that!

 

REFRENCES:

http://www.wikihow.com

Relationship

CHEATING IS NEVER JUST ABOUT SEX 

Good evening everyone.  Today am going to share with you a post a friend posted on my group page. After reading the post below, I  would like to hear what your opinion about it.

A man can cheat on his woman and still love her but a woman cannot cheat on her man and still love him. I say this because while men do not have sex with emotions, women can’t have sex without attaching emotions to it. This is the reason men simply need a place to have sex while women need a reason to have sex.

Most women who take their husbands to court for divorce are those that cheat on their men. A non cheating woman would most likely never take her husband to court for divorce, unless the man exceedingly abuses her physically and emotionally to the point of killing her.

Men don’t equate sex with love. A man can have sex with another woman but still doesn’t love her. That’s why women who fell in love with married men find it difficult to find happiness in those relationships as they are just being used by those married men. But once a married woman starts sleeping with you, she can even narrates some hidden secretes concerning her husband and she will even tell you why she hates him (her husband). She can even accept poison from you to eliminate her husband.
For men, sex and love are two different things. But for women, sex and love are one and the same things. For men, sex comes first before love (infatuation), but for women love comes first before sex (true love). Therefore, once your woman starts having sex with another man/men, her love shifts from you to that man and she can even start giving that man the best food and love than she gives you.
The fact that your man is cheating on you doesn’t mean he has stopped loving you. But I can’t say the same for women. Once a woman starts cheating on you, she has fallen for someone else and you people will never live the same again. And she can even kill her husband once she starts cheating on him.
If your wife starts cheating, you should be a lucky man not to die in less than 10 years. It has been found that 95% of women who cheat wish their husbands dead. That is the main reason why it is dangerous for a man to continue staying with a wife who cheats on him. That is why is now encouraged everywhere in the world including in the Bible, for a man to divorce his wife only once she starts cheating on him. Cheating women are more deadly to husbands than ordinarily criminals or weapons. There are many cheating women in the world who invite criminals to break into her house at night only to come and eliminate her man and police officers plus relatives can’t detect this as the same woman tend to moan more than any person at the funeral so as to attract sympathy and hide her evil acts.

That’s why psychologists discourage women,more than men, from cheating. Women can’t handle the emotional conflict that comes with cheating.

That’s the reason an observant and intelligent man will notice that his wife has started cheating on him once he starts doing it because most women tend to lose respect to their husbands and try to avoid sex with them in most times.
Cheating Women will even be giving excuses for not wanting to have sex with their husbands. Study has revealed that nearly 90% of women who cheat find it hard to have enjoyable sex with their husbands, again an intelligent man will detect this once his wife’s behavior with regard to sex start changing. But a dull man can never detect this and always tolerate fake excuses from his cheating wife until he is completely eliminated.
Women can’t cheat on their partners with people they are not emotionally involved with. They attach emotions to everything. That’s why you can’t always trust their judgment. When a joke is cracked,most women who laugh are not laughing because the joke is funny but because they like the person who cracked the joke. If they don’t like you, no matter how funny your joke may be, they won’t laugh, but when a man laughs at a joke, it’s because the joke is funny, not because he likes the comedian. Men are not always sentimental and emotionally involved.
Study has shown that every relationship begins to flounder once a woman starts cheating. There are many men who cheat on their partners but still show them true love. But it is very hard to find a relationship in which a woman is cheating and things still remain the same.
I repeat, nearly 100% of cheating women wish their husbands quick death or divorce to have unlimited sex freedom while nearly 100% of cheating men can’t wish their wives quick death or divorce. That is why most men cant allow their wives to be physically or verbally abused by their girlfriends. Men will always stand for their wives.
A man would cheat but still love and respect his wife, but the opposite is true with cheating women. Once your wife starts sleeping with other men/man, just know that your death is near.

R.M – Professor of Psychology
Ohio State University – USA

Well this was my response ” As for me, permit me to use the word *bullshit* why would you even need to cheat? Is your wife or girlfriend not enough for you? Why justify yourself in the name of *you can have sex without falling in love or being in love with the woman * I think men just need to grow up and stop giving excuses like this.. It’s true that no one is a saint but don’t leave in continuous mistake and still have the guts to give stupid excuses. 

It can be true that women equate sex with emotions. That’s why it’s advised that you don’t mess with a woman’s heart. I don’t subscribe to cheating, I don’t care what the reason was… As much as being faithful is something hard for some people to do, we all just have to keep trying to make our marriages and relationship more exciting every day…

I know we are entitled to our opinion but it baffles me why a man would cheat. Does he think telling his partner “it was just sex, makes it better or less hurtful?” A lot of woman have lost their lives not just their homes to their husband unfaithfulness.. Most men think treating your wife as a queen while you keep a mistress would make it look nice “she won’t know they would say to themselves” It’s just sex,  is the beginning of a disaster in marriage.. I know of a woman who almost ran mad as a result of her husband infidelity… It started with *just sex* until the mistress decided to get pregnant… Right now this woman leaves on constant medication just to be a little balanced psychologically. 

A friend of mine Valeria, shared her view on the above post “A cheat is a cheat irrespective of whatever you qualify it with… if you cheat as a man and tell me you still love me then you shouldn’t be Angry when I cheat and plot to kill you… there should never be a reason to cheat… be repentant when you cheat and ask for forgiveness… don’t come kneel before me and tell me you were not emotionally attached to her…. without being a cheat I can sue my husband for divorce if I see we have lost it… not because I want to run to another man… but because I dnt want to be lied to… I dnt want to loose my peace because of a husband… that’s why women die in marriage because of this notion that their husband loves them but cheats because he’s a man….”

To me, instead of becoming a cheat, why not spiece up your marriage. If your problem is the sex, teach your partner whst ever you think can make it better… Talk about things, go on dates, do fun and exciting things with your partner…… If you haven’t read or have forgotten about my post on “How to keep your love live alive after having children”, go back and read it.. You would learn a lot. No one is above learning. Don’t let someone else destroy your family.. 
Let’s hear your take on this…… 

It’s all about you……..Never forget that. 

Uncategorized

WHAT ARE YOU GRATEFUL FOR? 

It’s a beautiful morning…. It’s the first day of a wonderful month…. It’s my birth month. Happy new month to everyone…. 

Today am feeling grateful for a lot of things..

What exactly does it mean to be grateful? “feeling or showing an appreciation for something done or received”.. According to Terence Brown,” the answer is the sense of fulfilment you feel when something has made you happy. The feeling of elation you get when you really think about the luxuries in your life.”

Being grateful is not taking anything for granted. Looking at your life – the good and the bad – embracing it, and realizing that ultimately you have power to guide this life that you’ve been blessed with in whatever direction you desire. It may not be easy, it may not be fair, and you will encounter resistance along the way, but at the end of the day you will look back and marvel at your resilience!

I asked around what does it mean to be grateful? So many people have different opinion about it. 

  • Being aware & acknowledging that you are blessed with the basic needs & necessities of life, w/o you asking or struggling for it, like food, water, clothing.
  • Being aware that, you have parents , who have given birth to you & they did their best to provide you, whatever best they could, sacrificing their pleasures. 
  • Being thankful for this gift/opportunity called LIFE!

Like I said earlier, am feeling very grateful to God today.. Not that I don’t give gratitude to him every single day. I do. But today is different. Today is special. There’s this joy I feel from within. Maybe because tomorrow is my birthday… 

It’s been a very good year… A lot of ups and down but God saw my family and I through them all. When I tell people I have been through a lot, they wonder what exactly I mean. Most of us have our stories to tell and I guess today is my turn…. 

Am grateful to God for a lot of things…. Despite loosing my aunt, my grandmother, my uncle, my precious dear little brother (didn’t all die the same year). There was a time every year someone died but thank God it’s all over. It was scary, in fact at a point our faith was shaken. I know we served God as a family. I wouldn’t just say served God we are strong Christians, especially my mum. My brothers case was the worse. I remember nights and nights of mid night prayers, days of fasting, seed sowing and yet……. But am still grateful… Am grateful to God for the failed relationship, disappointment and heart break I went through. Am grateful to God for becoming who I am.. I am grateful to God for Nnamdi Ofoegbu (I can’t explain or quantify what you did and continue to do for me.  

Last year towards the end of the year, around this period. I started hearing voices telling me I would die.. I refused telling my parents because  I didn’t want them to worry. I was scared to leave the house, I was constantly sad, I felt every good bye was the last. Did I pray? Yes I did. I couldn’t let the devil take control. Finally my mum found out and joined me in prayers…. And I survived.. Yes am still alive and would continue as long as God wishes… 

Am grateful to God for the gift of life, am grateful for my family, am grateful for where I am today. Am grateful for his grace, his love and his mercy. I am grateful for friends and family. For every single person I have come across in life and has created an impact (positive and negative). Am grateful to God for the vision of “More to Life” because I know he has a reason for it…. 

Am super grateful for tomorrow….It’s going to be my birthday… Even if I wished I was going to be married before my birthday (can’t stop laughing), am still grateful. 

Let’s talk about you…. What are you so grateful for? It’s time to say out loud and share with us what are you so grateful for? 

It’s all about you………Never forget that. 



References 

Www.medium.com 

Www.quora.com 

Health · Inspirational

 DEPRESSION 

Good day everyone…. It’s a beautiful Friday. The beginning of a great weekend. This morning I smelt and felt Christmas am sure a lot of us are beginning to feel it to. .. I really can’t wait for it. 

My topic today is really an important one. Very important and can’t be neglected. What is depression? What causes it and how can we help? 

Most people feel sad or depressed at times. It’s a normal reaction to loss or life’s struggles.

But when intense sadness — including feeling helpless, hopeless, and worthless — lasts for many days to weeks and keeps you from living your life, it may be something more than sadness. You could have clinical depression — a treatable medical condition.

What Is Depression?

Depression (major depressive disorder) is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act. Fortunately, it is also treatable. Depression causes feelings of sadness and/or a loss of interest in activities once enjoyed. It can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems and can decrease a person’s ability to function at work and at home.

According to the DSM-5, a manual doctors use to diagnose mental disorders, you havedepression when you have five or more of these symptoms for at least 2 weeks:

  • Feeling sad or having a depressed mood
  • You feel tired or have a lack of energy almost every day.
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed
  • Changes in appetite — weight loss or gain unrelated to dieting
  • Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
  • Loss of energy or increased fatigue
  • Increase in purposeless physical activity (e.g., hand-wringing or pacing) or slowed movements and speech (actions observable by others)
  • Feeling worthless or guilty
  • Difficulty thinking, concentrating or making decisions
  • Thoughts of death or suicide
  • You have a hard time focusing, remembering details. 

Symptoms must last at least two weeks for a diagnosis of depression. While these symptoms are common, not everyone with depression will have the same ones. How severe they are, how often they happen, and how long they last can vary.

Your symptoms may also happen in patterns. For example, depression may come with a change in seasons (a condition formerly calledseasonal affective disorder

Depression Is Different From Sadness or Grief/Bereavement

The death of a loved one, loss of a job or the ending of a relationship are difficult experiences for a person to endure. It is normal for feelings of sadness or grief to develop in response to such situations. Those experiencing loss often might describe themselves as being “depressed.”

But being sad is not the same as having depression. The grieving process is natural and unique to each individual and shares some of the same features of depression. Both grief and depression may involve intense sadness and withdrawal from usual activities. They are also different in important ways:

  • In grief, painful feelings come in waves, often intermixed with positive memories of the deceased. In major depression, mood and/or interest (pleasure) are decreased for most of two weeks.
  • In grief, self-esteem is usually maintained. In major depression, feelings of worthlessness and self-loathing are common.
  • For some people, the death of a loved one can bring on major depression. Losing a job or being a victim of a physical assault or a major disaster can lead to depression for some people. When grief and depression co-exist, the grief is more severe and lasts longer than grief without depression. Despite some overlap between grief and depression, they are different. Distinguishing between them can help people get the help, support or treatment they need.


How Is Depression Treated?

Depression is among the most treatable of mental disorders. Between 80 percent and 90 percent of people with depression eventually respond well to treatment. Almost all patients gain some relief from their symptoms.

Before a diagnosis or treatment, a health professional should conduct a thorough diagnostic evaluation, including an interview and possibly a physical examination. In some cases, a blood test might be done to make sure the depression is not due to a medical condition like a thyroid problem. The evaluation is to identify specific symptoms, medical and family history, cultural factors and environmental factors to arrive at a diagnosis and plan a course of action.

Medication: Brain chemistry may contribute to an individual’s depression and may factor into their treatment. For this reason, antidepressants might be prescribed to help modify one’s brain chemistry. These medications are not sedatives, “uppers” or tranquilizers. They are not habit-forming. Generally antidepressant medications have no stimulating effect on people not experiencing depression.

Antidepressants may produce some improvement within the first week or two of use. Full benefits may not be seen for two to three months. If a patient feels little or no improvement after several weeks, his or her psychiatrist can alter the dose of the medication or add or substitute another antidepressant. In some situations other psychotropic medications may be helpful. It is important to let your doctor know if a medication does not work or if you experience side effects.

Psychiatrists usually recommend that patients continue to take medication for six or more months after symptoms have improved. Longer-term maintenance treatment may be suggested to decrease the risk of future episodes for certain people at high risk.

Psychotherapy: Psychotherapy, or “talk therapy,” is sometimes used alone for treatment of mild depression; for moderate to severe depression, psychotherapy is often used in along with antidepressant medications. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has been found to be effective in treating depression. CBT is a form of therapy focused on the present and problem solving. CBT helps a person to recognize distorted thinking and then change behaviors and thinking.

Psychotherapy may involve only the individual, but it can include others. For example, family or couples therapy can help address issues within these close relationships. Group therapy involves people with similar illnesses.

Depending on the severity of the depression, treatment can take a few weeks or much longer. In many cases, significant improvement can be made in 10 to 15 sessions.

Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT) is a medical treatment most commonly used for patients with severe major depression or bipolar disorder who have not responded to other treatments. It involves a brief electrical stimulation of the brain while the patient is under anesthesia. A patient typically receives ECT two to three times a week for a total of six to 12 treatments. ECT has been used since the 1940s, and many years of research have led to major improvements. It is usually managed by a team of trained medical professionals including a psychiatrist, an anesthesiologist and a nurse or physician assistant.

The truth is, a lot of us are going through depression and we don’t know. We only know that we feel different and when asked, we can’t just explain. I know the economic situation and our immediate problem and that of our families, for some people constantly weighs them down and suicide becomes an option. 

We are cope with things differently. For me, truth be told I found out am worrying and thinking about a lot of things. I remember for a while I could barely sleep. When ever I closed my eyes to sleep, my mind and my brain kept being active. As usual, I did a lot of research to find out what was wrong with me. Then I realized I was just stressed over nothing. I was just thinking of different solutions for problems that were never there. Finally I turned to God. Because I was scared of getting depressed. My mum was constantly worried. 

I decided to research and write on this because of the rate of suicide recorded all over the world. In Nigeria earlier this year, the report of suicides were so high and scary….. For me, death is not a solution. When I heard of the man who committed suicide in Kogi state because of the financial issues he was going through, I was so sad. This man and his wife had been looking for a child for years and now they had twins, he won’t be there to enjoy them. He has not been paid his salary for the past 11 months and couldn’t pay for his wife medical bills so she could be discharged. I wonder what he must have been thinking before resulting to suicide. Now his dead, what happens to his wife and children? Where does the help come from? 

Rev. Mrs Nches Iredu, founder of sisters fellowship international, once wrote “if you found yourself depressed today, don’t give room to the devil through depression any longer. Don’t continue to analyze it, don’t dwell on it, don’t feed on it, and don’t give in to it! An important aspect of overcoming depression is, getting up and forcing yourself to throw it off whether you feel like it or not. As difficult as it may be, decide to be done with it! Throw it off and choose to take one small step towards a new life.just taking this first step could help you enjoy life Betty than you have in weeks”.

I know it’s not easy…. But we all have to find away to help each other on life… Start by praying and then find someone you can talk to….. When you learn to talk, your healing begins…. Jokingly we all use say Nigerians barely commit suicide buy it’s different now. Suicide and depression is not a thing of country, region, ethnicity or race… It’s a thing of the mind. That’s why we need each other. It’s no longer a joke. It’s as real as real can be…. 

It’s  all about you….. Never forget that 

References :

American psychiatric Association 

Www.webmd.com

Searching for God’s heartbeat (July-Sept 2017).